The chimes clanged as I closed the door behind me. A break in the silence I tried to allude.
“I should take that thing down”..my mind commented. The crystal wind-chimes, now dusty.. fogged and gray; mirroring my unbalanced state. “All of this crap” I complain as I survey the room. A Red Buddha sculpture catches my response.
“Whateva”. I flung my hair to the left of my shoulder.
Muddy shoes, I kicked off. Running in the damn rain..”Stupid”..I muttered. I torture myself, for what? I’ll be sick and still will have to work.. Sick.. but not sick enough. “Ridiculous”.
Dirty, wet, and sweaty.. I collapse onto the bed. No bother with the covers, on top I lay. No bother with removing my clothes. No shower needed; “No one will smell me anyway. Well, maybe the coroner if I’m lucky”..I smirk. One last sigh and I’m off to sleep.
My belly hurts.. I think (within sleep). “It’s because your black”. She says.
“What?” I confusingly respond.
“Your black and dirty”..she whispers. I chuckle, with my face buried into the bed. “Well, your blue”. I laugh.
“Would you like me to help?” she quietly asked.
“Can you?” I immediately answer, while peering through squinted eyes.
“Yes. Turn over.”
I grudgingly flip around.
She takes her sapphire hands and hovers them above my head. My eyelids flutter. I feel her hands driving down my body. She lingers at my stomach.. “Your too angry, You need to calm down.”
“I’m trying”. I wither.
She scolded, “Your not trying.. you’re hurting yourself.”
I feel her hands pulsate at my pelvis.. heat floods my uterus and along my fallopian tubes.
The color red burns my eyes. “Hey, purple lady..” I immaturely smirk and roll the words against my tongue.
She grins.. “Relax”.
Small needles penetrate my navel. A burning twinge, takes hold. The pain intensifies and creeps up my rib cage. “It hurts” I plead.
“It’s supposed to, darling”.
My legs tense and my toes straighten. My thighs plump tight until they cramp. Clinging to the bed, my nails pull the covers. My back curves underneath me; pushing my stomach out.
“It hurts.” I repeat.
“Shh..” It’s okay. she smiles.
I feel my intestines constrict. My abdomen spasms. In and out it hardens. All over my body, my muscles contract.
My teeth grind. “Please stop.. It hurts.” I beg.
My voice now, sounds broken. I can’t breathe. Air struggles from my lungs. Gasping and frightened, I ask her..”Are you killing me?”
She smiles.. “No, YOU are killing you.”
“I’m helping you”.
Tears gather in the corners of my eyes. They drip behind my ear.
I watch as the red light turns to black. Black illuminates the air. Her blue face, now ashen.
Dazed and distant from my body, I concentrate on her. Until, I am no longer able to view her.
I drift away.
A blue-silk sea carries me. Weightless I float. Quiet, I question my ability to hear. No sound. No flapping of air or wisps of water.
Complete silence. Familiar but forgotten. Painless and hurt free. I lay; motionless and unchanging.
Simply existing. Uncluttered and free. Peace engulfs me and (I let it).
The sea then took me to a field of yellow. “Jasmine”…Hmm. I forgot how much I love it. Yellow flowers covered me. Their petals calmed and relaxed me. They swayed and hushed me to sleep.
I woke again. But, this time.. I was free, without any affliction. I woke feeling humble and content.
Joy tickled my chest and laughter twirled in the creases of my mouth.
I woke changed.
Rays of blue light, highlighted with yellow,came through the blinds; beaming on my skin.
Mantra 